Dangerous Territory

"You're walking through a landmine and you're about to have your leg blown off."

This what Kate said to me the other day.

It was a valiant attempt to steer me away from making the not so healthy decision to go away Friday night (to New Hampshire, where else?!) with the NH#2 who has been around for the last couple of months and is most likely going to being a whole lotta nothing (and inevitably put me in a pretty sucky place in a few months when I already have some sucky things to look forward to i.e Tony's love child...oh wait, it's not a love child if you decide to have a quickie wedding in a matter of three weeks, right?) I have no doubt that she is frustrated with me and my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad (and somewhat irresponsible) decision making as of late (this is most likely due to the fact that I have not taken an ounce of her advice along the way, despite the fact that she is going to end up being the one who listens to me whine and cry when it's over.) However, in my stupid desire to make something into more than what it is, I decided to go.

Now I realize this is a very bad path to be tumbling down, mostly because he has already seemed to make it pretty clear that it's going to be over at some point prior to him leaving for residency (when, I don't know, so don't ask!) Unfortunately, it is also a very difficult path to crawl back up, especially when you don't want to. To make matters worse, it was a fantastic 28 hrs--relaxing and fun and pretty much just all around great. Crap. Trust me, I wish it was disasterous. It would make life so much easier, especially since I know I should really end things (I can't even say break up cause I'm pretty sure we're not really together) now in an effort to protect myself.

Anyway, so here I am, (completely toppled over by the feeling of deja vu--only with the shoe on the other foot--and convinced that it's karma) just trying my best not to get my leg blown off.