Letting Go

As of September I will have lived in my apartment for five years. It's the longest I have ever lived anywhere aside from the house I grew up in.

Out of those five years, four of them were spent building a life with Tony. Right now, he and his wife are in the process of having a baby....and I am in the process of letting go.

Kate and I are waiting patiently for my landlord to get back to us. We are hoping that he will let us get out of our lease early so that we can move into an apartment in a sweet location on the South End/Back Bay line. I have said many times that I would give my first born to live in the South End (Tuffy excluded.) And the opportunity is here, presenting itself before us, just waiting for us to take it. A place that is a decent price AND takes dogs?! These things don't happen every day....so why haven't we grabbed it??

Because the truth is we are not waiting for the landlord to get back to us. He has already called. I haven't told Kate, although I suppose I will before she ever reads this. I legitimately didn't hear the phone ring, but when I saw that he did, I didn't call back....not right away, and not later in the evening. Instead I cried. Pathetic, I know. I never used to be a crier, but apparently I am now.

In that moment panic had set in. The reality that I may be leaving this apartment forever-- this place that I had called my home for so long. It was the last little piece of Tony I had left and in a few short weeks it could be gone. Logically I know it's the right thing to do:
-I have always wanted to live in the South End/ Back Bay.
-It's a reasonable price.
-It takes dogs.
-It's on a quiet street.
-We can walk everywhere.
-Parking would be the same, if not better than Allston.
-We would live with people who most likely would not be puking in front of our door or smoking in the hallway or letting their cat run amok or putting up weird signs about vampires on the door... (yes, this is really the building I live in.)
-Most importantly, it's very much needed fresh start.
Have I convinced you (me!) yet??

I am terrified and incredibly sad. Those things are clear. However, the fact is, that to everything there comes an end...and for me, the end to this chapter comes now (yes, again for like the fiftieth time... I realize that.)

I have yet to feel like I have been presented with any of benefits that supposedly come when you make a difficult (but the right) decision, but maybe, just maybe, something good will come of this. Fingers crossed!!

How happy would the pups be here?? Only a 10 minute walk away!!